I’m missing my mom today. But not any more than any other day.
The waves of grief and loss come and go and certainly don’t adhere to any holiday schedule.
Just like the meaning of ‘mother’ doesn’t adhere to a specific definition.
I am lucky to have had a really great biological mother. She loved being a mom and filled our lives with enriching experiences. But it wasn’t easy for her. I could see her struggle balancing all that comes with being both the main breadwinner and nurturer.
She had a great community around her to help. Many of whom I’m now leaning on for mothering.
And I’m thankful to the community that helps me raise my daughter. The aunties and godmamas and friends and neighbours. Giving birth doesn’t make you a mom but showing up does. And we can’t do it alone.
I recently wrote about the lessons I learned from caring for and losing my mom for THE KIT. The things that became the inspiration for PAPILLON. One of the most challenging was towards the end when there was a shift in our relationship and she was no longer the mother. I had to take on responsibility, make tough choices, and parent my parent.
With time those hard last few months are fading. And I can slip back into the memories of being her child. Remembering how lucky I am to have had her as my mom. Remembering the things she taught me that I hope to pass on to my daughter: that our family is what and who we make it; to be a leader and advocate for others; to appreciate new experiences, food, art, and travel; to have fun, celebrate and laugh often.
I know I am blessed to have had a good mother. And to have been able to become a mom when I was ready and wanted to. But Mother’s Day is tough for many and sending love to all the people whose relationship with motherhood doesn’t often get reflected on this day.
xo
-ALD